It is important to maximize a lunch hour by saving precious minutes out of the day. However, I draw the line at having my lunch cross the plane of the bathroom door.
Believe it or not, I understand this logic. It is done in the spirit of efficiency for the world of male consultants. Grab your lunch in the pantry, go to the bathroom, take a squirt, then head to your cubicle and cozy up to the latest edition of Highlights.
I know what the women are thinking. Why not go to the bathroom first then head to the pantry? Legitimate question, let me explain. There is an innate synapse in men that dates back to cavemen. The only time we realize we have to drain it is at meal time. So Zog eating a saber-tooth tiger had the same problems as Zack eating a PB&J. The trigger of needing relief is not realized until we're ready to take a bite.
Believe it or not, I understand this logic. It is done in the spirit of efficiency for the world of male consultants. Grab your lunch in the pantry, go to the bathroom, take a squirt, then head to your cubicle and cozy up to the latest edition of Highlights.
I know what the women are thinking. Why not go to the bathroom first then head to the pantry? Legitimate question, let me explain. There is an innate synapse in men that dates back to cavemen. The only time we realize we have to drain it is at meal time. So Zog eating a saber-tooth tiger had the same problems as Zack eating a PB&J. The trigger of needing relief is not realized until we're ready to take a bite.
"Why Zog have pee-pee come out of wee-wee when eaty?"
Most men recognize this need and do one of two things:
- Head to their desk, drop off their lunch, then go take a zee, or
- Head to the bathroom with their lunch, cross the plane of the bathroom door, place their lunch on the counter of the bathroom sink, take a squirt, wash their hands (optional for some), then take their lunch back to their desk.
Based on my years of observation, a large majority fall into the former of these two scenarios. However, for those disturbing amount of individuals who can be categorized in the latter, listen up, I've got something to say.
If you break the plane of the bathroom door with food you plan on putting in your mouth then you might as well eat it on the toilet. Crossing through that invisible border just landed your brownbag in a different zipcode of etiquette. It's like bringing your two-month old son to Studio 54 in a BabyBjorn. Flatulence and bowel movements have no place for the nourishment you thoughfully packed the night before.
If you break the plane of the bathroom door with food you plan on putting in your mouth then you might as well eat it on the toilet. Crossing through that invisible border just landed your brownbag in a different zipcode of etiquette. It's like bringing your two-month old son to Studio 54 in a BabyBjorn. Flatulence and bowel movements have no place for the nourishment you thoughfully packed the night before.
"Ahhhh, now I can eat my lunch in peace."
So please, enjoy your lunch break and also give your lunch a break at the same time. Zog would be proud of you. Or maybe he would bludgeon you to death. Cavemen are unpredictable.
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