Thanks for Nothing

I think it is important to acknowledge every day accomplishments of those we work with. Whether it be your boss, colleague, or nearby cube mate, recognition is essential to self esteem, regardless of pay grade. Keeping this in mind, make it a point today to tip your hat to those who impact your 9 to 5 life. I know I am going to have my hands full. So many things to be thankful for…..time to spread the joy.

In the hallway. "Thanks for canceling our meeting last minute and ruining my lunch plans."

On the elevator. "Congrats on the presentation. The amount of inefficiency was impressive. So many words, so little to say."

During the meeting. "Thanks for forgetting my name, again. It’s nice to see you’re not bogged down with those kinda’ details."

After hanging up the phone. "I love your personal stories, can you speak up next time?"

In the strip club. "Nice dress. You know Halloween isn’t until the end of the month, right?"

My hair style looks good? Thanks!

You won’t walk away empty-handed. The compliments will come back faster than a gas-powered boomerang. It’s a win-win. Every thank you sent out as a penny will come back dressed up as a quarter.

In the cafeteria. "Thanks for sending me those charge codes. They were for the wrong project, now I have to resubmit my timesheet for the last two weeks."

Before the presentation. "Good job on the conference call today. Next time, use the mute button."

On my way out. "Thanks for coming in late and leaving early."

During my performance evaluation. "Douchebag."

Now go out there and start changing the world. One thank you at a time.

Hummingturd

For lunch, I’ll frequently patronize Blimpie’s for a Buffalo Chicken sandwich. Inevitably, I’ll whistle “Buffalo Soldier”. Then I’ll replace the profound lyrics of a legendary musician with my asinine words involving a sandwich with hot sauce.

Buffalo Chicken, hot sauce with pickles.

It is a Buffalo Chicken, with some bread but no paprika.

Purchased by MasterCard, brought to my cubicle....

And by then my sandwich is ready and the tune immediately disappears. I guess the point of the story is that Bob Marley is going to rise from the dead and kick my Caucasian ass.

You're going down Kingston style, bitch.