Landline Ambush

Ready to break for lunch. Grab my wallet, keys, and badge. Push in my chair, turn to leave, and the phone rings. Caller ID, it’s the client, answer the phone. No time for “hello’s”. I’m immediately hit with a barrage of questions spewing from the other end of the line like Hurricane Camille hitting the coast. It’s official, I’ve been ambushed.

He's about to head to lunch. We have to call, NOW!

CLIENT

Do you have a minute? I have the project lead, seven subcontractors, the contracting officer, Roger Goodell, and President Obama on the line.

C.J.

Sure, I guess?

CLIENT

Great! I was wondering about the report that I’m emailing you as we speak. Have you had time to read it?

C.J.

I haven’t received it yet.

CLIENT

Great! The GAO, NFL, NASA and some White House staff members are trying to gather preliminary numbers for a press release. Don’t worry, nothing overly complex. High level stuff.

C.J.

O.K.

CLIENT

Great! Don’t worry about running any quality assurance checks on it. Have you received my email yet?

C.J.

Yes.

CLIENT

Great! Basically, we need the 14 data sets compiled into one database and de-duped. Next, create some standard deviations on the confidence intervals regarding the median scores for each of the approximately 2.5 million observations.

C.J.

That doesn’t sound high level?

CLIENT

Great! We won’t hold you to anything unless it is incorrect. Then we’ll ask why you decided to skip some quality assurance checks. How long do you think it will take?

C.J.

At least two weeks?

CLIENT

Great! Tomorrow works perfect. I’m going on vacation for three weeks. It will be nice to review before heading out of the office when everything comes to a screeching halt since no one makes a decision without me due to fear of unemployment.

C.J.

O.K.

CLIENT

Great! Any questions from anyone else on the phone? (a harmonious chorus of no’s). Great! Any questions Corporate Joe?

C.J.

No.

CLIENT

Great!

Corporate Joe hangs up the phone with a thousand yard stare.

Shoulda' gone to lunch.

CO-WORKERS

You coming to Blimpies?

C.J.

No.

CO-WORKERS

What happened?

C.J.

I don’t know.

CO-WORKERS

Great! We’re going to lunch.