Jock-Blocking My Fantasy

The Internet destination you have requested, Yahoo Fantasy Football, has been blocked in conformance with company policy. A record has been made of this particular event. Specifically, your attempted trade transaction. Aaron Rodgers for Andre Johnson? Yes, Johnson is a beast but your backup quarterback is Jason Campbell. C.J., if your commissioner, “Fat Jesus” didn’t bitch slap you yet, we’ll send someone from IT to do it.

Even I wouldn't make that trade.

The Company reserves the right to monitor your activities. Especially after trying to re-enact the Jonestown massacre on your roster. Are you trying to dump your team and pump up someone else’s? I know, “Say You, Say Me, Seau” needs help but you don’t have to hand him the keys to the castle. Wheel and deal! Thank goodness we blocked the site. With that short bus move I’m surprised you even know how to operate a mouse. You should rename your team, “Enron”.

A violation of this policy may be reported to government authorities if necessary. But after reviewing how many points you left on the bench this week the Company will pass. You sat Rashard Mendenhall against San Diego’s porous run defense? Attention dumb ass, Willie Parker has turf toe. In order to protect the Company, your activity won’t be reported to the government. We don’t want them to know your I.Q. is equal to Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua.

You left Rashard on the bench, C.J.?

Violation could result in termination but IT is taking over your team instead. This is for your own good. Do you want to be a cellar dweller? We are going to leverage your stable of running backs to command a high caliber receiver. “Tequilaman Chokehold” is desperate for a running game. That’s the first door we’re knocking on. Next, dropping the Tennesse D. Time to let it go

Now get back to your regular work. Something tells me you’ll be fired for that anyways