Dressed for Moderate Success

Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Based on my available wardrobe, it appears I want a middle-management job from the late 90’s. After reviewing my outdated inventory, I tried to think of the last time I went shopping for work clothes. All that resulted was flashing images of my flip-phone, G-Shock watch and AOL screen name.

Um, Yeah. I heard we had matching outfits today.

I know my business attire is in desperate need of an upgrade. The scariest part is that I am not even in the right decade. Parting with my money for work clothes is the same as buying new tires for my car. The need is there but I’d rather spend my dollars somewhere else.

I don’t mind getting dressed up for weddings and funerals. These are special occasions. Events that occur at such a low frequency should be given a high amount of attention. Clothes are a part of it. Work? That is five days a week: ordinary, common, conventional. I intentionally flip the script, high frequency and low amount of attention. If I have to dress up every day I might as well be as average as the day I am a part of. I am not delusional. The other high-end suits are. But then again, I’m not given the same amount of attention as the high-end suits. Are clothes the key ingredient to success? Or are they a part of the ensemble cast of looks, height, eye contact and the ability to control flatulence during negotiations. The only one who takes business appearance lightly in my office is me.

C’mon, you know my tagline. No? Google it.

There is no such thing as casual in our office. Gone are casual Friday’s, casual dating and casual drinking at your desk. People mean business and their dress corresponds to that attitude. My clothes are as outdated as my philosophy. Not only are my wool pants see-through, but people now see through me and my lack of ambition. My appearance inspires curiosity instead of confidence. Time to make a change. Time to find out if clothes really do make the man. Time to break out the MasterCard. Time to see the price tag on a 21^st century dress shirt.

Whoa! What? Are these dress shirts threaded with gold? Is this tie made from the mane of a unicorn? Why are these oxford shoes equal to a car payment? Inflation has hit this store in some parallel universe run by Jimmy Carter. It has been a long time. Too long.

This cannot be the right price. What year is it?

I exit the Brooks Brothers store empty-handed and downhearted. Maybe I don’t need to inspire others with confidence. Maybe all I need to do is show up with new clothes that actually fit me. My lack of ambition doesn’t have to go away, just my old threads. The right balance of being paid attention to without being essential personnel. The answer: Burlington Coat Factory. It’s not sophisticated...but neither am I.