Tech-Shabby

Technology advances at a blistering pace that appears unsustainable. At the same time, it constantly eclipses itself with new releases to reset another bar of achievement. The following items are less than a decade old with mainstream usage: Xbox 360 (2005), the iPhone (2007), Facebook (explosive growth in 2006), Hulu (2007), and Netflix streaming (2008). The same holds true for computers. Within the short span of five years my laptop morphed into a relic. The IT Service Department made the call. They notified me of the imminent license expiration of my Dell. Not a list I want to be on. It was time to let go and embrace the future.

You don't even want to know who else is on the list with you.

I set the appointment for noon and arrived at the IT desk with my antique. It was heavy, had five years worth of data on it and it broke my heart to let go. Not for sentimental reasons. Rather due to the reluctance of embracing new technology. Some people are early adopters, I am a laggard clasper. The weight of my laptop, the familiarity of the keys and the intuitive navigation I had organized on my desktop--gone with one upgrade. All replaced with something sleeker, lighter and more advanced. I viewed the whole transaction with a Philip K. Dick level of suspicion.

Would you relax and hand it over. It's just a laptop. Trust me!

The HelpDesk viewed my computer with the same amount of suspicion I had dropping it off. I could see the nonplussed look on the technician's face as if to say, "How did you get away with having something this old?" I ignored the look and asked about the turn-around time. The benchmark is three hours. Worst case, four. Off to lunch.

After several beers and a nap in the quiet room I checked back at 3PM. The IT Desk reviewed the progress to indicate the transfer was halfway through. My shiny new toy was sitting in the corner, being charged with life and information while my old computer was being sucked dry and made obsolete. One generation feeding the next. I couldn't bear to watch. I'll pick it up Monday.

These computers are made from computers. You've got to tell them.

Monday morning, new computer! I cannot even figure out how to login. I grudgingly ask a millennial who hits the screen and points to the login area. Touch screen? Witchcraft! I felt like an uncool 80's parent asking their child to change the time on the VCR. Touch screen is just the beginning. Next is remapping my brain with the cosmetics and layout. Nothing looks as it did before and everything is in a new place. A double whammy that causes my Monday morning productivity to plummet. I call it a loss and head home early on Metro. Goodbye for now technology. You're a dynamic, fluctuating twist of wires, memory and data. I'll catch up tomorrow. For tonight, my geriatric blues are staging a "Golden Girls" DVD marathon. 

Technology went and got itself in a big damn hurry.