V for Vendetta on Vending

Upon exiting the office elevators, I saw shadows dance across the wall coupled with flickers of lights. I entered the hallway to see what was causing this display and unknowingly walked into the line of fire. A mob with pitchforks and torches was descending on the vending machine operator. My Spiderman senses tingled and I quickly assessed the situation. Another price hike on the vending machines.

The vending machine guy a.k.a. "Asswipe" was trying to dispense change out of the machines faster than Pee-Wee Herman pulling his root at a peepshow. The witch hunt quickly surrounded him. The mob's intensity matched the fire in their torches, they were out for blood. Unfortunately, I was caught in the middle and did my best to diffuse the situation.

Pay up bee-otch.

With my quick wit and reflexes I stepped aside, directed my gaze towards the vending machine operator, and said, "Good luck Asswipe." I could tell he appreciated my efforts, but they were to no avail. The corporate mob engulfed him like Katrina hitting the coast. Asswipe walked away with his life but left behind his pride and a pair of dirty underwear.

At first I thought the mob overreacted. After twenty-six kicks to the groin, I think he got the point. However, upon reviewing the new totals on the vending machine, I understood everyone's frustration.

The pricing structure skyrocketed into another economy. A minimum 25% hike across the board. I became angry and continued kicking Asswipe in the groin. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was our janitor. Wrong place, wrong time. What can you do but apologize and hope no one saw.

I wasn't about to pump my hard earned quarters into any of the machines. Plus there was nothing left to buy from the looting. That's when my consulting experience gave me an epiphany. I needed to create a cost-friendly concession stand for our office that still maintained respectable profit margins.

My new cubicle

Using the corporate Costco Gold card, I bought cases of sodas along with boxes of candy bars and chips. My cubicle now has an adequate display of assortments that are reasonably priced. Plus it's a great way to meet people. My cubemate keeps bitching about having to leave the cash register on her lap but I constantly remind her, "Think of all the money you're saving on snacks!"

Here comes someone now, time for another sale. It's the janitor and he's still crouched over. Maybe I'll extend the olive branch and give him some free M&Ms.