Here's the drill. You choose from the assortment of descriptive coffee packets ranging from "richly complex" to "buttery" to "I dare you". Insert the coffee packet and choose either four, six, eight, or a 10 ounce cup of coffee. Newbies can be spotted a mile away when their choice is greater than or equal to eight ounces.
As a cost-cutting measure and an effort to save the planet, our company recently has decided to replace our normal eight ounce styrofoam cups with six ounce cups. It's an insidious change that everyone has to recognize through baptism by fire.
The newbie picks up the six ounce cup and stares at it quizzically thinking, "My hands are swollen today". The cup is placed under the machine, eight ounces is selected, and the java begins to take a pee. Estimated time to completion, approximately 30 seconds.
"Yes, the coffee machine is that way. The cups are tiny."0-15 seconds - newbie whistles, dumps his lunch into the refrigerator and/or checks out the contents of the vending machine.
15-20 seconds - newbie checks the status of the coffee and the whistling goes out of tune.
20-25 seconds - first stage of panic, the newbie's eyes widen as the rapidly rising tide of coffee approaches the brink of the cup.
25-30 seconds - "Oh cryin' won't help you prayin' won't do you no good. Whenever the levee breaks mom you got to lose."
The only choice for the newbie is to watch, wait, and clean up as the two ounces overflow the limited volume allowed. A laconic but spirited acknowledgement arrives in three possible ways, 1) "Oh Goodness!", 2) "Holy Shit!", or 3) "Mother Fucker!".
I prefer, "Holy Shit".Think of all the coffee being wasted in order to save on styrofoam. Maybe they make two ounce styrofoam cups? I think that's what I get my butter in when I go to Outback curbside takeout. I can use those to collect all the spilled coffee, consolidate it into one big pot, boil it, then pour it on the crotch of the executive who saved the company a few bucks.
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