Fat Ass on Fitbit

The latest emphasis at our company has been individual health and its contribution to corporate wellness. The underlying belief of this approach is that happy and healthy employees contribute to the bottom line. As with anything corporate, there must be metrics on success and failure. In terms of health, it can be measured by a wrist band that counts your steps. The Fitbit craze has kicked it with the crossover to Corporate America. In our company, personal health has translated into competition. What started as personal improvement has mutated into how an employee can beat their fellow colleague.

The idea itself is great. Monitor your own activity and shoot for personal records. An individual can actively audit their exercise levels and determine whether it is increasing, decreasing or maintaining at their own status quo. There are numerous metrics: steps, distance, floors climbed and calories burned. It even monitors your sleep patterns (or lack thereof.) The metrics are gentle reminders to get off the couch. The “Friends” option on the Fitbit setup is what introduces the rub. Tracking one’s own activity is fine. The problem is being coerced into supposed friendly corporate competition. Now my activity is viewable by others. Everyone into the pool, except this pool has sharks and I’m wearing a chum jacket.

Expected appearance based on steps.

All bets are off once overachieving, Type-A executives are introduced. They must excel at everything, and at any cost, including cheating. Fitbit is the perfect storm for them to succeed. It is an electronic dashboard that vindicates their level of exercise without having to directly account for it. When you are an overachieving sycophant executive, fitness is a luxury that few can afford. Exercise requires time and for the exec working 15 hours a day, time is scarce. What to do? There is no room for average. They have to game the system to be on top. This is evident when the total steps of top performers are disproportionate to their physical appearance.

Actual appearance based on Fitbit outsourcing.

Numbers may not lie but body mass definitely tells the truth. The top performers are often in shape…of a pear. Maybe they handed the Fitbit to their spouse and added it to the Honey Do list. Or they placed it under the sweatband of their overachieving child on the travel soccer team. Whatever the modus operandi, it is an obvious lie when comparing measured steps to body type.

Run, Levi, Run! Good dog.

It is hard to grin and bear it. Watching the highest echelon of the company smile at their empty victory while the expanding notches on their belt tell the real story of what transpired. Rather than sit on the sidelines I do my best to actively participate. Not in exercising but in cheating. I outsourced my Fitbit. It is on the collar of an Australian Shepherd named Levi. She works on a farm. Busy girl. Loves to run. She’s pushed me all the way to third place. Good dog.