Zero Net Worth When Networking

My professional network on LinkedIn has a decent amount of contacts but in Tipping Point terms, I would not label myself as a connector. LinkedIn is a world of career contacts, industries, and skill sets. It opens a gateway to people in the know and trending companies. My reluctance to use LinkedIn is a head scratcher. Not only due to lice but also because my own behavior baffles me. Job advancement is available. The power of networking is present. Despite all this, I shy away from being an active player in carving out my own career.

Maybe I am reluctant to use LinkedIn due to profile fear. The application itself is essentially a career dating service. It gives companies and recruiters a marketplace to review and connect with viable candidates for possible employment. It is highly similar to the Tinder app minus the random, drunk sex. There is always concern on how employers will perceive my profile. Some of my connections read as a “Who’s Who.” Whereas mine resembles, “Who the Hell is That?” I am weary of my own pint-sized job title and lack of career progression. On the flip side, I am also skeptical on the amount of success achieved by others. I question the motives of many LinkedIn invites. Do you really want to connect with me or is this a way to rub your job title in my face? In a few cases, the former, in the majority of cases, the latter.

I am on this business card. Otherwise, I am simply not there.

LinkedIn provides an outlet to professionally humblebrag. The true intent of the LinkedIn application is admirable and useful: connect with others in an environment that can showcase your talent and expertise. However, most invitations transpose the primary purpose with the humblebrag. A bait and switch technique to boast career achievements without any concern for new employment. It sends a message to the world that this individual has arrived to the big time…in the form of a paper tiger.

CEO? According to the D&B, the company has 3 employees. When shareholder meetings can be held in a pantry it is at best, “Small Business Owner.” Titles should be in sync with activity. If a candidate has been out of college for less than two years, it’s okay to be an “Analyst”. When I graduated, my title was not “Petroleum Transfer Specialist.” Instead, I was assigned “Pump my gas, dirt bag.” Not ideal, but honest. LinkedIn is a place where you are supposed to show off your skills. But the ante often increases to a level that would make Baron Munchausen blush. Contrived resumes can only live in the fabricated world of LinkedIn. Users unwittingly create a career dead end. Their own job inventions are so grand that it establishes an illusion of them never needing another job in the first place.

I must say, even by my own standards, that story sounds fishy.

I do not mean to insinuate that everyone on LinkedIn is lying. There are some people who are knocking it out of the park. The former teen nerds who are making bank have every right to gloat. More power to them. To the pimpled girl turned Account Executive, you go. To the bookworm boy that made partner, high-five. To the starting QB who banged the Homecoming Queen and threw the game winning touchdown, fuck off, you’re a dick.

Eventually a resume has to back up the job title. This is where the power of LinkedIn does not serve the career con artists well. The resume gains the interview, the interview wins the job. For those who are all sizzle and no steak, that fake job is going to last a long time. Trust me, my alter-ego is CEO of Galaxy Global Industries Corporation, he knows these kind of things.