Holiday Newsletter

Happy Holidays to everyone. It is difficult to summarize the past 12 months in only a few paragraphs. So much has happened and 2016 is already knocking on the door. Lots to share. In this letter, instead of complaining about work, I am here to celebrate it.

I am counting my blessings this holiday season in lieu of bitterness. One of the wonderful perks to my employment is my bi-weekly drive to the Baltimore office. My car comes home clean every time I head up north because the chance of rain is 100% when I am at the wheel. As if God himself wrangled all the water from habitable planets in the universe and decided to unleash them in a 12-hour period. 

It looks like it's clearing up.

The precipitation has a nice affect on the 70 mile commute. Instead of dealing with the pesky accelerator I was able to view brake lights, fire trucks, police sirens, and the occasional car fire on the shoulder of the road. With the heavy traffic, I could enjoy these vistas for twice as long as necessary: 3 hours, one way, to be exact. On one occasion, the thoroughness at which my window was smashed was impressive. More so since it happened during business hours in the company parking lot. Driving home with the wind and rain actually in my car gave me an appreciation for storm chasers. What I am trying to say is....thank you, Baltimore.

It looks like it's picking up, I'm going to head home now.

It is difficult to refrain from bragging in these letters. A big part of me wants to toot my own horn. A small part tells me to be humble. Well, here goes--when I am not in Baltimore, I work from home. As a matter of fact, I work from home a lot. Some would say, "too much." Others would say, "Is he still around?" Video conferencing makes me feel more connected to my co-workers. Once they see me onscreen, they make me realize I should be more connected with my razor. 

Can we speed it up on the agenda, please.

Days in isolation and I begin morphing into Will Forte's stunt double for, "The Last Man on Earth." Except a stunt double would actually be in shape. Working from home also involves eating, lots of it. I check the refrigerator approximately every five minutes to see if the contents have changed. My weaknesses are pickles, olives, cottage cheese, mozzarella cheese, muenster cheese, cheddar cheese, cheesy cheese. Okay, so I like cheese. They all say, "How does he stay so thin?" Here is my secret: at the end of the day, I go on a 20 foot walk to the mailbox. It helps burn off the cheese. I also have voices in my head that say, "How does he stay so thin?" Enough of the bragging.

Hmm, I wonder if there is any cheese left?

December is a time of reflection. We will not remember anything past the first five words of "Auld Lang Syne" but we will remember those who touched our lives this past year. Yes, a company has to make profit. But that profitability is directly tied to the work of the employees. The people who show up every day to give the best version of themselves. Those are the people I will remember. And if you took all of my co-workers from this past year and laid them end to end in a straight line, you are a fucking weirdo. You don't do that people.

Carpe Diem, Tomorrow

I have a write-up due. Technically, it WAS due but since I have not started, it is still due. A white paper to be exact: a report that provides insight to an existing or developing business issue with proposed solutions. The purpose is to whet the appetite of the forward thinking client and line the pockets of the firm proposing the solution. A win-win concept, but only if it is actually written.

I know it's breakfast time, but lunch would be good right now.

This white paper will take one day of research and two days of writing. I already have an outline. Within the past several weeks I have completed three other white papers. The difference is those were due based on a hard deadline. If it is important to leadership, it is important to me. My job is to make their job easier. The opposite also holds true. The incomplete white paper was assigned from a specific leader who follows up with light requests, "How is it going?", "Talk me through your progress.", "Why are you drunk?" Without a deadline, the report burrows itself to the bottom of my inbox.

I'm sure that deliverable is right under our feet.

Some of the hardest workers have the biggest lazy streaks. They are self aware enough to keep themselves busy. Without work, self-destructive habits subtly occupy everyday life: excessive eating, sleeping late, or hard core underground Slovakian porn. The scariest thing for a hard worker is white space on a calendar. The emptiness creates temptation to embrace their lazy streak. I waver between the two worlds of busy and lazy. Both depend on my emotional state and current work leader. Sometimes it is churning through assignment after assignment with no end in sight. Eventually, there is a glacial shift towards inactivity. This latest assignment without a deadline is classical conditioning towards laziness. Like pavlov's dog, I begin to look for a new show to binge-watch on Netflix.

The devil finds work for my idle hands in the form of a remote control.  Left to my own devices, I become a couch potato. Ten pounds and 30 Dorito Bags later, I recognize my ass has been parked on the sofa for a month. My work capacity and physique constantly swaying back and forth between a "before" and "really before" picture.

You've got your health...insurance.

When given a deadline, my shiftless pavlovian dog can morph into a border collie. With job, have purpose. My business mind operates at a high level when an ambitious deadline is at hand. It also makes me aware of my self imposed decision resulting in second-tier status. The realization is I never serve as my own catalyst. Great business minds find work and capitalize on it whereas I capitalize on the work given to me. A fine line with a big difference in pay grade. The worst part of all, I am okay with this.

What you want to be a leader for anyhow?

I like the feast and famine of work and relaxation. Besides, for years I have been hearing 'The Wire' is a must see. And those Doritos aren't going to eat themselves.

Auld Lang-ziety

I have been consistently employed for the past 30 years.  I started as a bus boy at the Denny’s on Route 1 in Alexandria, VA. The 5:30PM to 11:30PM shift for five days a week. Six hours of straight work came with a free meal. The short order cook named Marcus (who smoked copious amounts of weed) would always have "Moons Over My Hammy" waiting for me at the end of my shift. I made sure he never ran out of plates when the restaurant was slammed with hungry drunks. I worked there 30 hours a week and he was the only one who regularly called me by my first name. To most, I was the invisible bus boy. Marcus would hit the bell with his spatula and call my name when my food was ready. It was the first time I ever felt appreciated for my sweat equity. The paychecks were small but the feeling was large and the food was free.

Good work, CJ. You can have some of my medicinal brownies next.

That was the summer of 1985. Many career changes have happened since. But as of right now, for the first time in my life, I'm scared to find a new job.

Job-hunting at the age of 45 is intimidating.The challenge is not related to finding a job, it is about the stress of finding the right job. Once mid-life hits, the stakes are high. I don't want to buy a Corvette and get a divorce, I want a new career.


What's the big deal? It's just a car.

Due diligence is imperative to ensure the next move lands on bedrock instead of quicksand. Looking back, it was a slow progression to arrive here.

• Ages 15 to 22. All I wanted was extra change. Spending money for clothes and gas for the car. My horizon was the next two weeks. During these years I was a bus boy, I waxed and buffed floors, and worked in food service at Mount Vernon Hospital. I even cut grass on Fort Belvoir military base with workers on furlough from Lorton prison. After each summer ended, I always had the luxury of walking away.
• Mid-20's. A college degree now. Interviews. Salary instead of hourly. But youth is wasted on the young. Despite landing a great job I saved up a few paychecks and eventually quit. No plan. Just knew that I was not interested anymore.
• Late 20’s. A career starts to form whether voluntary or not. I learned what I was good at and what I liked and that sometimes the two were mutually exclusive. I also learned two career limiting actions 1) my excessive enjoyment of happy hours and 2) saying, "that's not my job."

So I booze a little. Shoot me.

• Early 30’s. Life settles in--fast. Marriage. Kids. Mortgage. Voluntarily locked in. The career becomes a centerpiece. How good am I at what I do? No more half-assed work products in hopes that senior management would correct my mistakes. Own it. Working beyond my job description.
• Late 30’s. Moving up with enough tenure to manage large scale projects and groups. People are actually listening to what I have to say. My input is no longer patronized, it is necessary. Skipping happy hours in lieu of work.
• Early 40’s. Instead of swiveling my head in a conference room looking for someone with an answer it turns out everyone is looking for an answer from me. Did someone call me a "thought leader". Ugh.
• Mid 40’s. TBD.

Just one thing, CJ. Go out and find it you jackass.

It is difficult to conjure other careers after being employed at one place for so long. My 'anything is possible' attitude has been downgraded to 'these are my limited options.' Mistakes are allowed in youth, I made plenty of them. Now? Not so much. Retirement is no longer a word, it is a reality. What was once abstract is now concrete. I have to squeeze all the risk I can out of my job search. There is another Marcus waiting for me, he is ready to ring the bell once the job is done right. Moons Over My Hammy sounds pretty good right about now.