Open Office, Closed Mind

The open office space concept has kicked it with the crossover. The design has transcended its Silicon Valley roots and reached into more traditional institutions. The latest adopter[victim] is Citigroup. In its new Manhattan office, not even the CEO will have a door. The supposed benefits are touted as work related. The sentinel effect: a boss can keep his eyes on the workforce. Productivity and favorable outcomes increase when one is being watched. Busy-ness: a bustling workplace that makes each employee feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves. Increased collaboration among co-workers. Egalitarianism: a removed hierarchy that flattens out any org chart. We are all in charge. Oh, and money. Saving money to be specific. Loads of it.

Trust me kid, Bluestar is going to love this new floor plan.

Companies are saving coin, some in the millions, with unassigned and open seating arrangements. If everything is equal, fighting for an office is no longer an option. No need to configure space when a grid will do. Same design, limited materials, and a uniform layout for everyone. Companies can adapt to explosive growth without having to pay significant expansion costs related to rent and utility bills. Packing in the masses trumps breathing room. If future quarters look promising, rent out another floor and create another grid. Most employees do not like the open office and the amount of reasons why are astounding. I live with it when I visit the office. Based on experience, open floor plans should be as dead as the Dodo bird.

Love the layout. When can we build the real thing?

The supposed benefits are greatly out-of-sync with the reality. For the sentinel effect, I cannot work when I am being watched. I am an introvert by nature. The big brother setup induces anxiety, not productivity. When I arrive, when I leave, how many Flaming Moe's I drank. All are being monitored. Solution: when the boss might be looking, look busy. There are several techniques I recommend with optimal results. While reading through a random deliverable, bite the end of a pencil and then tap it on the egalitarian table top. Open an excel spreadsheet with numerous macros and formulas that perform calculations in endless loops. Swivel your head from hard copy deliverable to the screen of macros. Bite and tap the pencil at well-timed intervals. Nothing is getting done and something is happening at the same time. The environment creates a setup to look busy rather than to be busy. Productivity appearance up, productivity numbers down.

Drop off the guns, pick up my brother at the hospital,
stir the sauce, don't call from the house, get arrested by the Feds.

Get together! Shoot some ideas around! The workplace is buzzing with activities! None of these are true--at all. When privacy is physically taken away, personal walls can be created through other means. A forced community feel is battled with Beats, Bose, Skull Candy and shooting range earmuffs. There is a staggering reduction in eye contact. Phone conversations are now conducted through hushed toned headsets. All of these are non-verbal cues indicating people will fight for every ounce of their privacy in a public space. The only buzz generated is from the fluorescent lighting. The outcome is counter-intuitive. Human interaction replaced by silence. The noise level of our office rivals that of a sign language convention.

Please, whatever you do, don't talk to me.

I work. My company pays me well. If the open concept saves the company money, I'm down with it. My problem is hiding the motive of savings under the guise of a company's emotional well-being. Please do not spread shit on my sandwich and tell me it is apple butter. I know what you are selling. Tell me the truth. I will respect you even if I disagree.

Corporate Joe in open space land? No thanks--"cubicle land" is better. Both in title and in practice.