Editing the Edited Edits

The following is a true story:

Over the past two weeks, there has been a deliverable exchanging hands among me, my client, and my subcontractor. Unfortunately, my client has felt the need to make this document adhere to the editorial standards of Simon and Schuster even though the intended audience will most likely hit "delete" upon receipt. Below are the series of events that led to my hospitalization:

• Thu, Aug 10 - I was personally admonished by the client for lack of sentence structure in the first draft. It was then my pleasure to let her know that I used the same content and format signed off by them from the previous year. Silence on the other end of the line.
• Fri, Aug 11 - Upon instruction from the client, edits were to be applied by different sources at the same time to make the process go "smoother".
• Mon, Aug 14 - Spent five hours consolidating edits from three different sources. Client insisted on faxing me her edits since she does not know how to use "track changes" in Word (see The Fax of Life for more details). Process went as smoothly as sipping crushed glass through a straw. Devoured two Excedrin.
• Tue, Aug 15 - Submitted latest version of document to the client. Upon receipt, client notified me that more edits would be applied since her manager did not initially review. Took a swig of DayQuil.

Just a little taste to ease the pain.

• Wed, Aug 16 - I received the edited document via fax and email from my client. She indicated some edits were applied through "track changes" and others were applied to a hard copy. Drove home and found an expired prescription for Vicatin in my medicine cabinet.
• Thu, Aug 17 - Applied all edits and submitted latest version of the document. Notified by the client that the document would not be approved because her manager was out of town. Stole two percocet from my co-worker recovering from a broken leg.
• Mon, Aug 21 - Manager of my client approved the document and also added another page which I was asked to proofread. I proofread the document and submitted it back to the client. They made another change and asked me to proofread again. I proofread the document again and submitted it back to the client. Held up a pharmacy at gunpoint for their stash of Oxycotin.
• Tue, Aug 22 - Document is approved and emailed to correct recipients. I tally up the damage; 58 emails, 17 phone calls, 12 hours of my time, 10 hours of the subcontractor's time. Did I mention the document was only eight pages? Went to the Methadone clinic for my fix and chased it with a shot of Wild Turkey.
• Wed, Aug 23 - I am hospitalized for depression and addiction to painkillers.

I did learn something from all of this. Drugs aren't so bad after all. I just wish the nurse would speed up my morphine drip.